As the end of October approaches, so more and more chrysanthemums are to be seen for sale all over France. Large marquees are erected in supermarket car parks to hold the vast range of potted varieties. Chrysanthemum stalls appear at roadsides just like those which a few months earlier had sold melons and fresh summer fruit. These chrysanthemums decorate towns and public gardens right through November, adding colour through the drab, rainy months of autumn.
You Can Tell From The Face
But, as a newly arrived English woman living in France, it was buying a pot of beautiful, brightly-coloured chrysanthemums which led me to making my first big faux-pas – my first big social blunder. I thought that my gift would cheer up a French friend who was in hospital, but as I watched her face drop, I realised that I had somehow made a mistake. What I did not know at the time was that the French traditionally buy chrysanthemums to take to the cemetery to decorate their family tombs and graves!
The Catholic Church celebrates Toussaint or All Saints’ Day on November 1st. It is a bank holiday in France and this is when families load their big pots of chrysanthemums
into their car boots and place them on their family graves. It is true that perhaps some French women buy chrysanthemums for their gardens or as cut flowers for inside their houses but I have not met many. Either way, I now realise that there is a risk attached to giving this particular flower or plant because of its association with the deceased.
Your Children Will Tell You
It is often my children, in fact, who were born and bred over here, who point out – too often
after the event – that I have made myself look a fool. I still cannot get the hang of at what point an acquaintance with whom I shake hands becomes someone I should greet with a kiss despite the fact that we use
vous and not
tu. Then I forget which people I should greet with one kiss on both cheeks and which people I should greet with one kiss on both cheeks twice over (this is according to where they are from and what they do in that locality).
Very recently – even after living for over 20 years in France – one of my sons told me that I do not get my timing right when I decide to leave a group of people. Apparently I have this tendency to sneak off instead of waiting for the group to disperse.
All in all, knowing what to do and what not to do in a new environment – let alone in a foreign country – does not come easily. But being able to laugh at yourself and shrug off your social blunders does help. To be honest, most French people will accept you for who you are and that is precisely what makes the world such an interesting place. As they say,
il faut de tout pour faire un monde (it takes all sorts to make a world)!