When I first moved to France a passing comment in the électroménager department (household appliances) of the local supermarket, has forever coloured my views on French women.I needed to buy a washing machine but the rows of them on offer gave me little choice. ‘Why are most of these washing machines top-loaders? I have always had a front-loader,’ I asked the assistant. ‘Madame,’ she replied, ‘Very few French women would actually choose to bend down to load their machines! Think of the extra effort. Also, when we forget to put in that odd sock, we can simply switch off a top-loader whilst, once the water is in a front-loader, that’s it until the end of the programme.’ Then the assistant paused, looked me in the eye and added, ‘We French women always take the easy option whenever we can, Madame,’ and as far as I am concerned, no truer word has ever been spoken.

Stress-Free Dining

The more I have observed les femmes françaises and their tendency to go for the stress-free solution, the more my admiration for them has grown. Take their attitude to entertaining. We British and American hostesses pride ourselves on our home-made cakes and desserts, willingly spending hours on purchasing the ingredients and baking them in our belief that the title Homemaker demands it of us. True, the French housewife may produce something from scratch, but there is not the same taboo surrounding a bought cake or dessert. Women here tend to serve their purchased religieuses and mille-feuilles on their Limoges porcelaine with pride at tea time and boast that they have found the best pâtisserie in town. I have known many a dame invite guests to dinner and openly admit that she has not made a thing herself.

 

She meanwhile sits immaculately coiffured at the top of the table, which she has set beautifully at her leisure: forget slaving over a hot stove! She knows that given the importance of fresh, quality food to the French, she can talk at length of exactly where along the coast-line the oysters that they are eating are from, the ingredients with which the local traiteur made the main course and the location of the woods where the stallholder at the market picked the wild raspberries. There is no stress, no worry – and this is where you have to hand it to them – they know that the end result is far better than they could have managed on their own!

Finding Quality Time For Themselves

There are numerous options available for child care at prices and in conditions rigorously supervised by the state.

Even mothers who do not work may leave their children from a very young age with professionals in the knowledge that it is an excellent way of familiarising youngsters to an environment different from that at home. La halte-garderie is available to children from three months to six years old on an occasional basis, from a few hours to a few half days a week. The flexible hours – whenever or for however long you need to leave your child – provides an opportunity for many mothers to pursue their own interests. There have been times when I have felt positively revitalised after these odd breaks from my toddlers during the week – and more importantly – better prepared to engage in constructive activity with them.

No Rushing

Many mothers opt for the Crèche Municipale which is available to children from two and a half months old to three years old for about eleven hours a day. Working mothers that I know do not seem to rush around at the end of the day in order to collect their child as soon as they leave work: they are confident about the care their child is receiving and do not feel guilty – they feel rather that they are entitled to some personal time.

A Home From Home

Some French mothers prefer to leave their children with an approved, registered child minder, an Assistante Maternelle Agréée, at her home full time. I have a number of friends who avoid stress all round in the mornings because they take their children to the child minder and then go back home to get ready for work.

Their nounou (the child’s word for child-minder) often becomes something of a surrogate aunt or grand-mother and their house is considered to be a home from home. I have girl-friends who leave their children chez la nounou when they occasionally go away for an adult weekend with their husbands and everyone concerned is comfortable with the situation: these mums are not at a loss about what to do with their children and there is certainly no sense of guilt for leaving them with others for the weekend.

In the same way that mothers – both working and non-working – take advantage of the good child-care facilities offered by the state, where amenities are available and suited to the family, many mothers enrol their child at l’école maternelle from the age of two onwards. Very often, this is only for certain mornings, for example, and not all day and every day. A very young age for some, maybe, but these French mothers believe that through contact with adults and other children, their child has the opportunity of developing their language and view of the world.

Looking Good

This ability by French women of not allowing themselves to be totally consumed by their role as mother is one of the reasons why so many of them are so beautifully turned out. I was once chastised in a salon de beauté for ‘neglecting’ myself because – judging by my dry skin – it was felt by the staff that I had not taken enough time every day to moisturise. The fact that I had a couple of demanding toddlers, was no excuse I was told.

Just What The Doctor Ordered

From what I have seen, French women do not tend to turn their entire house into a play zone either. My children’s paediatrician was always referring to this need for children to know their boundaries, and French women seem to adhere to this. The grants that families receive for having children are strictly based on regular medical visits when doctors insist on establishing routine and define clearly what is best for the child and for the whole family.

French women come in all shapes and sizes – very much as they do everywhere else. In general though, one thing they do not do is just ‘soldier on’. What they do possess is savoir-faire: the know-how to achieve a good quality of life for themselves and for those around them.